bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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