I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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