dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
