Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
