Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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