Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
