Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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