Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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