walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
