forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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