Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
