We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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