You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
