Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
birth control should be required to get into college
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
