all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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