Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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