I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
