I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize