A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I died a long time ago.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
