I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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