you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
