standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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