WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
only if we run a train.
done.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
