It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
