Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
