dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize