I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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