she looked like the before picture.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
