Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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