I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
