Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
