After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
