just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
