dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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