Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
