i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
