he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
