It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
