TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
