wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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