I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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