Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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