Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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