found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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