I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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