All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
