Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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