His pubic hair was longer than his dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
