Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
