I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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