My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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