I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
