My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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