brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
