we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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