the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
