Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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