im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He felt like a one man threesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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