i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
