dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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