I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
