I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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