I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
