They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
