Soap is not a condiment
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Holy shit dude........stairs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
