There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
