My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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