I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
