I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
