and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
