I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
